Congratulations to Marco Rubio for winning the Republican caucus. Campaign Manager Bennett Myers barely contained his enthusiasm: "We've got a great staff, great grassroots network, and the most energized voters in the Coulee Region!" As confetti rained, PR Director Becky Rutledge offered a word of condolence to the runner-up, Donald Trump. "That misogynistic blowhard! Is this mic hot?"
Ben Carson finished a distant third, but showed no signs of dropping out. "On to Minnesota," is all Andrew Dornbush, Carson's spokesperson, would say. When pressed, Dornbush admitted, "this has been a tiring process for all of us. No jokes, please."
Jeb Bush was kicked off French Island.
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